March 16th, 2007

kettle

(no subject)

today. my back hurts, its overcast, im exceptionally tired, the kids are terrible, for the 3rd day in a row. this could have to do with my exceptional fatigue.
right now. im laying down, because its cold. the dogs beside me, it makes me smile a little inside.

after reading, and experiancing, and thinking, and doing, and on and on. i have a message, to the parents in the world.
and by parents, i mean, those who've given birth...

parenting, successfully parenting, is hard shit. and moreso, not everyone is cut-out/designed to do it. i guess one can learn, but theyd have to want to learn. it takes a lot. a ton. desire, devotion, dedication, more desire, more dedication, determination, persistance, and more desire, etc. etc. etc.
so with that. what about those that arent ready for the job? maybe they never were? maybe they never will be? maybe theyre just not "parents".
well. thats ok!
not everyone can draw. everyone can put a pencil to paper, but not every person can concoct a legibal image. some of those that cant draw, have the ability, deep down, they just have to be taught how to harness it. then theres those that no matter what they do, what they try, what you tell them. they just cant do it, they will always concoct stick figures.
parenting is the same way.

i wish all parents knew this. and knew it in and out. to the point that, they could think about it. they could think "is this for me? can i do this? am i trying my absolute hardest? is this really what i want? would my child be better off with someone more dedicated, and knowledgable? maybe someone with more desire.
and yes, harder than being a parent, would be making that decision. ive made it before. and i answered yes to the first 4 questions.
but if you have higher priorities. be the biggest parent you can be, and say "you know what. this isnt for me." no one, including your child, will hate you for doing whats best for them.

i dont know. i just wish people were big enough to not drag kids down. not drag them along on their self created rollercoaster of life.

in all honesty. it took me some time, to fully realize, that sometimes you just have to forget your childish desires. those superficial things you once found important.
as shitty as it is. you have to grow up. and i never wanted to grow up. hell, i still dont. but now i have a 5 year old. i can live vicariously through her. its beautiful. i can be 5. anytime id like.
but im not 17 anymore. maybe every now and then. maybe on special occasions. maybe when i have all kinds of pent up emotions that i cant express any other way. maybe then, i can be 17, only for a moment.
being olds not fun. its not something i recommend in terms of fun. but life wont wait.