rojomiamor (rojomiamor) wrote,

i want/expect so much of myself. with photography.

i look at my images, and without a doubt, i know theyve improved. yet, i know there were times in the past, where id look at my images and think, right then and there, "thats not too shabby". i.e. been proud of my work. but now, is not one of those times. it hasnt been for a while. i dont know if its just me being extra hard on myself, or if im really.... not doing all i could? or something.

today i shot a one day old, and a three week old. (seperately)
maybe i set myself up for failure by longing to achieve something like ive seen another photographer do.
ive never shot a brand new baby, other than my own. and for whatever reason, i just photograph my children, as they are. i seldom attempt anything out of the ordinary with them.
the baby (the brand new one) was exactly as i expected. sleepy, floppsy, a little fussy when disturbed.
i went in with a concept, that the mother not only agreed to, but mentioned first! but brand new babies, are unlike anything else, so despite my meager attempts to figure out how to execute this beforehand, i was pretty much clueless.
the general rule of thumb with anything posed, is the more uncomfortable, the better it looks. if youre comfortable, you probably look terrible. so. with that in mind, i guess i was sort of hoping the baby would just sleep and not care one bit what we did, and the mother (and father) would hear my ideas and take it upon herself to contort her baby in whatever fashion, without a second thought, for the sake of an interesting photo.
but thats not what happened.
not surprisingly. i mean, even if you have an adult, and you attempt to explain what you want them to do, theyre often confussed (at least with me. i suck at words)
so. maybe it was just me. maybe the mother wasnt nervous about her infant at all. idk. i was. i couldnt sleep at night (no, thats not why im up right now) if anyone got hurt on a shoot, especially a teeny tiny baby.
though i really didnt anticipate anyone getting hurt. i guess its just squishing babies up, maybe letting their head flop a little. things that wouldnt really hurt them, but to us adults, it makes us uncomfortable. and im not about to tell someone they have to put their baby in a position that likely makes the uncomfortable.

so. yeah. im rambling.
i think the biggest problem is ive lost my people touch. i mean... im terrible with strangers, small talk, all that jazz. when i bartended, it helped A LOT! but, ive been out of that game for so long now, i just want to sit, silently, and follow people with my camera, and walk away with amazing images (this, i know i can do. but people expect me to talk, and tell them what to do. im just not that assertive anymore)
if i could hang out with someone else for a couple shoots, just to see what they talk about, how they explain themselves to the client, i think thatd help.
hell. maybe ill see if i can arrange something like that.

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